My Dogs Have the Devil on Speed Dial!

Okay, so I openly admit that I am a little hyper-sensitive when it comes to talking about my dogs and their semi-bad behavior, but this time, they have really outdone themselves.  Yesterday, after working all day down at Saxy's coffee shop, I came home to let the boys, Mr. Higgins - the chain cigar smoker, and Ozzy - the closet demon of Satan, out of their kennels.  I was only home long enough to let them play in the back yard for about 5 minutes and for me to grab a quick bite to eat.  Leaving to go run errands, I thought I would be a nice Provider (no, I'm not their mother) and let them stay out of their kennels to play with their toys and people watch from the arm of the sofa (their fav thing to do).  I mean after all, I was only running to Target and the grocery - I was only going to be gone for an hour and a half - tops.

After throwing everything into my cart at Target, I thought of the boys.  I imagined them sleeping on the sofa, snoring away, probably sounding like they were carrying a jolly tune in synchronization.  This idea warmed my heart, so I went back to the dog aisle to select the perfect gift for them.  It was certain to not have stuffing inside, as Ozzy tends to rip it out within the first five minutes of playing with the toy. The toy could also not contain a squeaker, as Ozzy would also rip it out within the first three minutes.  So there it was, finally, a rubber bone. It was beautiful. Soft spikes and nubs that would massage their teeth and gums as they chewed.  In the shape of a bone, something both recognize immediately. Lastly, it was the perfect size - just big enough that Higgins wouldn't be able to sneak it through the doggie door to take it outside and cover it in mud.   

Proud of my new bullet proof treat for my little Monsters, I headed on to the checkout.  Next to King Soopers, and then home to present my favorite find of the evening - The Bone!  As I'm carrying my 90 pound bags up the front steps (our back gate is broken at the moment) I peak inside to see the boys, but they were no where to be found.  That was rare, as they always met me at the door.  Knocking, to get their attention - I saw it.  There it was, plain as day, in the middle of the floor. FEATHERS! Yes, feathers!  You're probably thinking, why feathers?  I'll tell you why.  No, we don't have birds in the house - we have pillows.

I would estimate that we have approximately 20 throw pillows on various sofas, chairs, etc. throughout the house and they are all stuffed with feathers.  Why feathers, do you ask?  Because, we used to have pillows stuffed with cotton and they ate those too.  These feather pillows have resided on the sofa for the past six months or so.  They were the perfect shade of beige, beautiful embroidery, 100% silk, and my favorite part, they had zippers so I could wash the sham with

ease.  Oh, how I loved these pillows.  I really thought they were going to make it.  The boys had not tried anything with these pillows - no tug-o-war, no nibbling on the corners, not even unzipping the zipper (yes, Ozzy can use a zipper) to peek inside - NOTHING... until last night.  These feathers were everywhere! In the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, upstairs - EVERYWHERE!  So needless to say, they were sent to bed with no dinner and no bone.  They didn't even give me a chance to present them with their new treat, because they couldn't be good long enough to deserve it! 

If you are thinking this is just a fluke thing and that it's no big deal for a dog to destroy a pillow here and there, let me enlighten you.  So far we have had the following destroyed:

- 4 Dog Kennel Bed Pillows,

- 6 Stair Treads

- 5 Linear Feet of Baseboard

- 11 Throw Pillows

- 17 Chew Toys

- 2 Rugs

- 5 Live Plants

- 4 Throw Blankets

- 1 Purse

- 1 $600 Area Rug

- 3 Sofa Cushions

- 1 Chaise Lounge

- 30 Lbs. of Paper

- 2 Curtain Panels

- 1 Skirt

- 1 Sofa Slip Cover

- 3 Bed Comforters

- And much, much more...

I don't know about you, but I think my dogs have the Devil on Speed dial... they invite him over for a party when I'm away, just to see how much they can destroy. "Hey Devil, the Provider's gone.  Wanna come over and chew on some pillows?". Maybe I should check into trading these two off, for a feeble Golden Retriever with no teeth?  Just a thought...

Dress Like the Woman You Are...

"Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman." 

- Coco Chanel

Some women in today's modern era would dare to argue that a woman's presentation is no longer determined on her style or choice of clothing, but rather her intelligence and ability.  To some women, the mere thought of wearing a pencil skirt or a pair of patent leather pumps would be-little her existence in the eyes of her male competition.  It would tear down everything she has worked so hard to built in the way of Women's Rights.  It would be compromising her abilities to perform daily tasks and would give her the appearance of (dare I say) "femininity".  In this day and age, women like to think of themselves as equal.  Unfortunately, this in turn, makes them think like men.  They go to their closet, taking less than one minute to pull the first thing out that looks remotely ironed, tossing it onto their back like a piece of toilet tissue being tossed into a waste basket.  They then wonder how, with such a strong work ethic, they cannot seem to reach that promotion?  Could it be they are not using the appropriate sports jargon while trying to hob-nob with the male co-workers around the water cooler?

No, I say. Enough is enough.  The reason hard working, dedicated women are not getting noticed in the workplace is not due to their lack of ability or dedication.  It is due to the lack of "polished appearance".  Dress shabbily:  Throw on that wrinkled shirt (untucked at that), a pair of oversized trousers that were no doubt a hand-me-down from a belated uncle, and clunky soled loafers that haven't seen polish in years, and see how long it takes someone to notice your professionalism.  They will pass you over each and every time a promotion is given.  Why?  Because if you don't care enough about your appearance, then you won't care enough about your job.  A company does not want to be represented by a person that is not "put together", they want the "polished professionalism".  Dress impeccably: Take the time to select your outfit for the day.  Put thought and consideration into the image you want to portray.  Is it feminine? Is it confident? Is it polished?  Does it look "put together"?  These are all incredibly important things to consider when choosing business attire that reflects your intelligence and ability.  To wear a pencil skirt and patent leather pumps is not coming off too "girly".  It is dressing for your gender,  and for success.  You are a woman - enjoy it - have fun with it!  If it is not your style to wear fifteen pounds of pearls - so be it! Just keep it tailored. Keep it covered.  Keep it professional!